meganfisher:

forwhomthebellendtolls:

so i am sat here listening to no reality and i am deep in thought about a lot of shit and i think its time that i helped some lost souls out there who are in need of a woman increase their chances by talking about some real talk sorta shit.

1. no one gives a fuck about your streetwear collection  cause it is irrelevant and real women dont give a fuck if you own a pair of nike air max giraffe skin shoes, they just want a man with a big dick and a big heart (like me) so stop spending all your hard earned dole money on ugly as fuck clothes and instead save up and spend it on going to cuba for a weekend or something. no girl gives a shit about a guy who spends more time on his hair than the average bitch so chill. if you wanna look real good for your women then you should be investing your money in to a quality leather jacket because women love the smell of dead cow not the scent of korean made supreme crap hats man.

2. your girl does not wanna go to nandos. ive made that mistake and in order to perfect my swagalicios art of swooning women i had to learn from my mistakes but dw man cause i am here to tell you what you have to do. she will tell you she wants to go to nandos but do not fall for her treachery as it is a trick to see if you are the man she can depend upon in her times of need. she really wants you to cook for her in your own kitchen with your own shit and here are some meals that women love so fucking much.

•  chilli con carne
•  dominos meat feast
•  cheese garlic bread with bbq sauce 
•  ham

3. sex. when you are having intimate time with your woman you have to prove to her that you are the king of her jungle, the lioness to her cubs and the gorilla in that girls mist so you gotta make sure to spend some time warming her up. always go down on your woman even if you are doing the sex outside in a park or something just make sure you go down on here so that she knows you are selfless and will do anything for her. smack her ass during intercourse to ensure that she is aware that you will not be cool with her sexing another brother and she will know by the tremble in her ass that she is taken by a strong sorta dude. always fuck your woman like it is your last time ever doing a girl and so it will be a great experience for you both. never be afraid to pull a girls hair or leave a bite on her somewhere as this further proves you are a lion.

4. finally, always hold a door open for your girl as this lets her know that is respectable and that you care. always kiss a girl in the rain and always hold a girls hand infront of your friends as this shows you give no fucks and that she is your bad bitch.

thank you.

Amazing